I just don't love you no more
I always get a jolt when I go to Hian's blog.. Cause the music will suddenly play and my laptop speakers is always at full volume. So now I am wide awake, :S And yay, shir finally passed me the Round Ubin photos. But actually, I really just wanted the team photo really badly. heh.
IVP is in 8days.. And I am panicking because I switched my paddle to a BracaIV from Flite. And I just can't seem to paddle well, not even as good as I could with my Flite. It's frustrating because Flite is so heavy and that's a disadvantage but I am so much more confident with it. And Braca is so light and supposedly better, but I fumble a lot. There's something wrong with my paddling too. My knees get weak and I start to shiver. I don't go as fast as I know I can. I can't focus on what I want to achieve. I think I lack the nerves to compete, ): Gah.
I need inner strength to motivate and push myself to do my best. While the girls are always being the sweetest lovable souls and picking me up from this loop of emotions I'm stuck in, I need to ultimately pick myself up and be strong at heart. It's just really hard. I hate feeling like this.
Other than that, my knees are really hurting very badly.
Aye, why am I like this?
bye.